This Thing Called Marriage

This Thing Called Marriage
Wanda Wade

Looking back to when I was a young single woman I can say now I had the wrong idea about marriage. Particularly those I considered to be good marriages. I’d see a couple successful in their career and who appeared to be carefree and I’d say to myself, that’s it. That’s the kind of marriage I want. I was so caught up in the superficial, more focused on what it looked like from the outside, yet having no clue of what it could possibly be on the inside. I believed if it looked good from afar then surely it must be even better up close.  Boy was I wrong.  It wasn’t until I got married that I realized it takes a lot more than the appearance of happiness to create a lasting union. 

In relationships there are good times as well as bad yet the true test of your commitment comes through during those difficult times. Think about your own relationship; how do the two of you withstand the struggles that have been known to tear many marriages apart?  It’s easier to stay together during good times but what happens when it’s not so good? I believe when couples go through difficult times the easiest thing to do is run, run to someone else, run within yourself or completely check out of the relationship. For those who know the true meaning of commitment they’ve realized early on that it’s work and a lot of it. For all practical purposes I think we want and believe that marriage should be easy. You find the person you want to be with and then you live happily ever after.  For starters, there’s no such thing, not in the fairy-tale sense of it anyway. Let’s be real, marriage is work, sacrifice, compromise, forgiveness, love, respect, and it will definitely test your staying power.  

The key to creating and maintaining a successful union can be achieved by continually thinking about what is best for the relationship even if that means putting the needs of your spouse before your own. My theory is, that if both of you are doing this then it makes for a favorable outcome for the union.  He’s meeting your needs and you’re meeting his. What could be better than that? It’s a win-win for both of you if this feat can be accomplished. I know it sounds easier said than done but in the end the reward far outweighs the compromise that it’ll take to get you there.

My parents were married for fifty years, that’s the fairy-tale, the real love story. They weathered many storms together; raising children, family differences, job loss, health issues, finances and career changes but according to my mom those were the easy things. After my own marriage woes I needed my faith restored in the happily ever after and what better reference than the one I had in front of me.  It was then that I began to look further than what my eyes could see in hopes of not repeating the same mistakes again and what I found was a love beyond measure, and a marriage that withstood the test of time.  By no means was it perfect, but their love and commitment kept them together through life and all its difficulties.

Staying in a marriage for fifty years is definitely a choice and I’m proud to have witnessed it. Their love story is one of sacrifice, commitment and compromise. It was true love, a real love, an imperfect love and one that I strive for every day.

                                    A lasting marriage is the fairy-tale - wanda wade