Love & Relationships

Love and relationships intrigue me.  They've inspired me, confused me and they've taught me so much about who I am. They can be challenging, difficult and just plain hard, but on any given day, I’d rather be found curled up in the arms of my man than to be without love.  That’s why I've dedicated this corner to love and all those who are hoping, praying, wishing and striving for that one relationship that opens your heart and captures your soul.

Funny Valentine

Kelly’s alarm clock blared loudly and without even opening her eyes she reached over to the nightstand to turn it off.  Her finger pushed the button and like that the annoying sound had stopped.  She reluctantly got out of bed and went about her morning ritual, choosing to ignore what today is.  She had only planned on doing cardio this morning but quickly realized the day would definitely call for some added stress relief so she thought a little Yoga at the end of her workout routine would be helpful.  Those few moments of reflection would make a world of difference in dealing with today.  The thought of even leaving the house filled her with dread.  “Why can’t I just stay in until all of this is over?” She asked out loud, knowing there was no one else around to answer.  Kelly knew that as long as she was indoors she could control her environment but once she stepped outside of her safe haven the world would bombard her with its own agenda.  Today signified the one thing that she didn’t want to be reminded of, that she was unattached on Valentine’s Day.  It wasn’t that Kelly necessarily wanted to be in a relationship but this day in particular reminded her that she wasn’t.  She already knew what it would be like when she got to work; the floral deliveries, the desired, but unwanted chocolates, co-workers squealing about their plans later that night and of course whispers about the single girl. It was a small company and all of the others had someone, even if it was only for the night, after all “who wanted to be alone on Valentine’s Day?” One of her co-workers had made a point of asking when the subject had come up earlier in the week.  Everyone in the office knew that Kelly and Ben had broken up a year ago, and besides widowed Mrs. Johnson she was the only other single female in the office.  The very thing that she didn’t want to happen did, for a moment Kelly got caught up in all the hoopla and it left her yearning for the romance that surrounded this cupid filled day.  Thankfully it passed and she was able to pull herself together.   Kelly enjoyed this time in her life and being single on a day other than today suited her just fine.  Often times she relished in fact that she didn’t have a man; no one to answer to and no compromising, especially on Lifetime Sundays.  It was the one day of the week she gave herself permission to curl up on the couch and overdose on endless movie watching.  After church and lunch with her family Kelly would go home, change into her favorite yoga pants and get immersed in movies filled with desire and love.  It was quite a contrast to the days of non-stop football games that dominated the television when she was with Ben.  She really didn’t understand men and their incessant need to watch sports.  It was almost comical to her, the stats, the predictions and all the sideline coaching from the couch.  She hadn’t realized how much Ben and sports had become a part of her life.  Even now, there were mornings when she would be running on her treadmill and unconsciously turn the television to ESPN instead of her usual dose of the news.  Sometimes she still thought of Ben but especially today she wouldn’t allow herself to regardless of how much everything around her said she should.

Valentine’s Day was the one day of the year where her singleness stood out like a sore thumb but it wasn’t to be confused with those Saturday brunches with her mom and sister where she had to endure her mother’s barrage of questions as to “why wasn’t she married like her sister and what was she waiting for?  It was never ending and Kelly pushed the thought out of her mind that her mother purposely set up these brunches in order to grill her about her personal life.  She and her sister, Kate would give each other knowing glances, and sometimes even nudge each other under the table just as they had done when they were little girls.  It was their way of banding together.  Ever since childhood they had created this bond of sisterhood and sticking together especially when their mother chastised one of them, like now.  Kelly and her other single girlfriends would forge ahead, making a declaration of not being ignored on this day that is set aside for couples.  For the last couple of years they would go to a restaurant of their choice, have dinner and a couple of glasses of wine to celebrate the fact that they weren’t hiding behind closed doors in the sanctuary of their homes but instead enjoying life as it came.  Yes, Kelly was definitely looking forward to this Valentine’s filled event they had planned, now to just get through the work day.  As she sat at her desk she could hear the squeal of another excited co-worker.  Kelly slapped her hand on her forehead, not sure of how much more of this she could take.  At this time last year Kelly would have definitely been one of the squealers, she had been in a relationship with ben and if she had predicted anything it would have been that the two of them would have been engaged in the near future but that was short lived when the end of their relationship came abruptly and ben decided that he needed space.

 Finally after lunchtime things in the office had settled down and everyone continued with their work day.  Before leaving work, Kelly had received an email from her sister telling her about a nice guy that worked with Kate’s husband that she wanted to introduce her to.  Oh, no mom has gotten to her, Kelly thought.  While she was in the process of responding to her sister’s email her computer dinged with signaling a new message, it was an electronic card from her best friend Lisa.  It was a virtual drink in preparation for their much anticipated night.  Kelly laughed and thought to herself how much fun the two of them would have.  

Success or Failure?

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Success or Failure?

Wanda Wade

What kind of person are you?  Do you see the glass as half empty or half full?  When faced with setbacks and challenges in your life how do you handle them?  Your answer and the way you handle life’s situations will lead you down a path of success or failure.

Let’s first take a look at what happens when failure presents itself and how it may be handled.  I don’t believe that any of us deliberately sets out to fail, it’s usually a gradual thing.  One problem may arise, then another and another, and before you know it you’ve hit a brick wall that seems almost impossible to break through.  Life does present challenges and obstacles but it’s up to you to decide your approach in dealing with them.  The first step in avoiding failure is to determine what it is, so that by recognizing it you will be equipped in how to approach it. 

The dictionary defines failure as the state or condition of not meeting a desirable or intended objective, falling short; a lack of success.  Anyone of us seeing that definition can be tricked into believing that we have failed in one way or another, it just depends on how it’s viewed.  For instance, there may be something in your life that you may have tried before that didn’t quite turn out the way you had planned.  When this has happened did you look at that moment as a failed attempt or just a minor setback?  In this situation ask yourself, was that first attempt a challenge to make improvements and try again, or do I just accept defeat and give up?

In my life I continually strive to focus on the positive in all situations.  Of course, this is much easier said than done and it’s not something that happens overnight.  It has to become a part of you, a new way of life.  Your entire thought process has to change.  I relate it to a quote by Norman Vincent Peale, author of The Power of Positive Thinking, “change your thoughts and change your world.”  I prefer to see the glass as half full because for me it means that there’s still the opportunity to achieve those objectives I’ve set for myself.  Failure for me is not an option and to ensure that I stay away from it I avoid those things that breed failure, like self-doubt, negativity and procrastination.  All three of these or even one will keep you from reaching your full potential and seeing all the possibilities that are before you.

Create a vision of success and it will come to you.  I was able to achieve this by creating a list of those things that I wanted to succeed in, listing the most important one first.  It was a short list that included three things.  I titled my list, life’s possibilities because it was an everyday reminder that as long as I believed in the possibility of success, I would work toward creating that success for my life.  Your list may be longer or shorter, it’s up to you.  Though you want to be careful not to overwhelm yourself with a laundry list of things because this will defeat the purpose of what you’re trying to accomplish, which is a life filled with success.  Look at the first life possibility on your list as the first step in creating the life that you’ve always wanted.  Work at it consistently and before long, those possibilities will become reality.

What possibility in your life would you like to see become a reality?  How dedicated are you in seeing it to fruition? - wanda wade

Passerby

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Passerby

Wanda Wade

It was early morning, still dark out as my son Ethan and I got into the car headed to our normal drive of the stop to wait for the school bus.  Our drive is usually quiet, both of us trying to gather our thoughts for the day and taking mental checks to make sure nothing was left behind.  As we drove the distance of our long winding street, my son spoke what he was obviously thinking. 

“Mom, I’m looking at all of the cars in the driveways of all of these houses that we’re passing by and it makes me think about all of the people that live there.” 

I mumbled, “Uh-huh” because I wanted him to continue. 

Then he said something that was very profound to me, “it makes me think about all of them living their lives, making plans about what they want to do and then I think about how that must be happening everywhere around the world.” 

“Wow, you’re right.  What do you think about that?” I asked. 

His reply was, “it’s weird and scary all at the same time.” 

Our conversation ended abruptly because he had to catch the bus and I was off to my daily regime at the gym.  I did however, think about what my very thought provoking fourteen year old had said. Sure we could’ve finished the conversation later that day when he returned home but I was in a place of wanting to expound where he had left off.

I thought I was the only one who was a passerby in the lives of people I don’t know.  From time to time I may come in contact with a stranger and walk away wondering what their life is like.  Is there someone waiting for them at home?  Has life been good to them?  Or, are they alone in a world that’s home to millions.

I don’t think it’s uncommon for us to wonder about the lives of those around us.  I believe it’s a part of our nature, call it curiosity or just plain nosiness but it would be even more scary to think that your life is the only one that matters.

Caring about your fellow man gives hope for humanity and it reminds us to grab a hold of life and all that it has to offer.  The next time you’re passing by someone’s life hopefully you will demonstrate an act of selflessness because we're told in doing so it lends to the human spirit and my cause a chain reaction with good results to follow.

The human spirit teaches us to connect to as many humans as possible. - wanda wade

Life is....

Life is...

Wanda Wade

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Life is funny.

It can be unexpected.

It allows happiness and sad moments, still it should be cherished. 

It’s precious and it goes by oh so quickly.

Don’t be afraid to enjoy, embrace and live it to the fullest. 

And don’t spend unnecessary time dwelling on past mistakes, forgotten arguments or should haves.

Instead focus on what is, what can be and today.

Because the unforeseen part of life makes no promises, doesn't care about your regrets or future plans.

It just expects you to live for today because tomorrow may never come.

Beauty By Any Other Name

Beauty By Any Other Name

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                                                     Wanda Wade

Four year old little girls are amazing, creative and believers of fairy-tales.  I remember my now nineteen year old daughter at this age.  She was giggly, funny and, an uncontrollable ball of energy. The family game room was continuously covered with her things.  There was a sea of pink and purple everywhere, and yes she did believe she was a beautiful princess.  She had tiaras, those plastic Cinderella slippers and the complete princess attire in several different styles.  Though it was short lived, it was a fun and playful time in our house.

It was a time of dreams, make believes and fairy-tales, which is something that all young girls should experience.  I'd like to think of it as the princess effect because it encourages girls to dream and it gives them a positive view of themselves.  If all girls grew up believing that they were beautiful it could boost their self-esteem times ten and set them on a path of self-love, don't you think?  It would further give them a positive self-image and instead of relying on what others define as beauty in them, they'd be equipped to determine that for themselves.  Making it almost impossible for anyone to fit a particular mold of beauty.

Recently I came across an article written three years ago in Psychology Today and it contradicted everything I believed about beauty and myself.  It was written by Satoshi Kanazawa, a Reader in Management at the London School of Economics.  A reader is someone who uses evolutionary psychology to analyze social sciences, such as sociology and economics.

Kanazawa is known to write controversial articles and his findings have come under scrutiny by his peers in the past.  The article in Psychology Today was no exception, depicting women of color as unattractive.  The article was titled, Why Black Women are Less Physically Attractive Than Other Women.  The title was later changed before it was removed completely by the website. 

Although his results seemed to have been skewed it didn't stop the post from being printed. Also, Psychology Today did include a disclaimer warning that this blogger was known to offend.  I guess it was their way of throwing the rock but hiding their hand, so to speak.  After reading the article I was left with less questions about beauty and more about humanity.  For instance, who thought demeaning a race of women would be a positive thing?  Does Satoshi Kanazawa's statistical findings determine beauty?  Or is beauty truly in the eye of the beholder?  I'd like to think that beauty can be found in everyone.  So, my question is, shouldn't we all be considered beautiful?

As a human race we all have something of beauty to contribute to this amazing space that we share.  Beauty isn't just based on physicality, it’s something more.  Look around and you’ll find that you’re surrounded by beauty.  I revel in the beauty of being awaken to a new day and new experiences, and all that it encompasses.  To me, this is a beautiful gift in and of itself. 

The beauty of the human spirit surpasses all things aesthetic – wanda wade

Unbreakable Bond

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Unbreakable Bond

Wanda Wade

The bond that we share

To the others it doesn't compare

Our hearts are sewn together

And no matter whether

Near or far

It won’t sever

Nor be torn in two

Because you for me and I for you

So go if you must

And to me one day

You’ll return, I trust

And together we’ll be

To live in eternity

Heart You

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 Heart You

Wanda Wade

All you need is love, according to the lyrics of a song sang by The Beatles.  Is this true?  Is love all we need?  Is it something that makes the world go round?  Or a many splendored thing like Nat King Cole suggests?  My answer to all three would be yes.  Why?  Simple. Everything begins and ends with love.  It gives us meaning.  It allows us to be a part of something that is greater and bigger than what we are by ourselves.  Love teaches us to give, trust, believe and forgive.  It has been known to define us, complete us or escape us.  Relationships have begun and ended with love.  Love can make you smile, laugh, or even cry.  It can create the highest of highs or even the lowest of lows.  Still, without it, there's nothing.    

When I think about love it makes me smile.  It evokes thoughts of all those that are close to me, from family to friends and even to the special guy in my life. Though what I share with all three is indeed love, I love them all differently.  My love for my family is unbreakable.  A love that was created at conception and has grown with each passing year. Through celebrations, disagreements, accomplishments and sadness we manage to hold onto the very thing that strengthens us, our love for one another.  The way we come together is something that happens naturally. There's no math involved, nor is a compatibility test needed.  It doesn't require us to have chemistry or a specific energy, it's just something that is, like knowing that gravity is a force that causes two things to pull toward each other. This is a perfect analogy of what my family and I share.  It gives depth to the love that we share through our connection as a family.

As close as I am to my family, I share a bond with my friends that allow me to express those parts of myself that I don't share with my family.  The only expectation required in friendship is just that, to be a true friend.  It's a relationship like no other.  I can let go, let loose, and be true to the core part of who I am.  It's an unconditional love that encourages me to grow and one that doesn't relish in my mistakes. I rely on this friendship to bare truth. It has taught me to give freely, accept unconditionally and it’s been a safe haven for all those secrets that only a friend’s ears are privy to.  It’s a welcomed love and one that sets the standard for the balance between the true meanings of give and take.

Romantic love is something that most people are in search of.  It's that intangible thing that drives us. As people we have this insatiable need to belong to someone, to connect to another person. It makes us feel whole, not so alone, like we're a part of something special.  We long for a connection that is believed to complete us.  Romantic love can be all of these things and more, and because it’s ever changing it allows growth in the relationship.  In the beginning, the love is fresh, new and exciting.  That longing to spend hours on the phone or even in each other’s company gives way to getting to know one another better.  As time progresses and the two of you become more familiar with one another the connection should create a level of comfortability, which in time leads to a state of familiarity. This love is wanted, desired and necessary because it teaches us to love openly and trust blindly. Though it requires a monogamous commitment the rewards are well worth it.  Those feelings of closeness are almost certain to solidify the oneness that you experience in this type of coupling and the biggest reward of romantic love is that it offers a chance at a lifetime partnership.   

Although all three love relationships are different they all provide something needed in each human encounter. The love shared between families is given without question, while the connection through friendship is one of choice.  Romantic love may be a little more challenging than the other two because anyone who’s been in love has learned that matters of the heart demand and require a certain level of care and consideration.  Whether you fall in love quickly or it's one that develops over time, the emotional commitment and the physical connection intertwine to form a union that is surely to put you on a path to becoming one.  And with this kind of love, the forces of nature are surely to be tested.

Though all three offer a unique human experience they should be embraced openly.  Allow yourself to love and in return be open to being loved as well.

Be open to give and receive love - wanda wade

Goodbye to Yesterday

Goodbye to Yesterday

Wanda Wade

It happened so suddenly
And I'm left confused
Dazed, alone,  not knowing what to do

It was just yesterday that I heard the news
So devastated that my whole world turned blue

My heart,  my mind,  seem so out of place
The thought of you being gone is one I try to erase

Well wishers alike all say the same
That time one day will heal the pain

Until then what am I to do? 
Kick,  scream, cry and shout?
Hoping that someone will let me out

Of a dream far too sad to be true
But knowing that it's real
Breaks my heart in two

The memories flood my mind one by one
Oh daddy, how my life has become undone

Still I'll try to move ahead 
Comforted by the thought of the amazing life you led

Your love for me is one that I'll cherish
Just knowing will cause me not to perish 

Saying goodbye to yesterday has proven to be 
A skill that requires much mastery

Yet comfort and peace are all around 
To heaven now your soul is bound 

I'll love you til the day I die
At which time my tears will finally dry

I Choose Happiness

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I Choose Happiness 

Wanda Wade

In my everyday pursuit of happiness there are a few things that I do daily. I give thanks for another day of life, I make my bed and I kiss my children.  Although these are simple acts, they bring an immense amount of happiness to my life. Taking a few moments everyday to give thanks allows me to focus on the things in my life that bring me joy.  It also gives me a better appreciation for what I do have and  it reminds me to be grateful. 

I read an article years ago that stressed the importance of getting up every morning and making your bed.  It lends to being more productive throughout the day, but for me it's something more, it's almost therapeutic.  It leaves me feeling refreshed, it gives me a little time to think about the day and yes it does feel good knowing that everyday I've accomplished something. 

As my daughter, my son and I venture out into the world to begin our day I kiss them both before leaving the house.  Growing up my mom did the same to my siblings and I.  With this simple yet caring gesture she instilled in us the importance of giving to those around us.  A kiss, a hug or even a smile can bring happiness to someone's day.  She would also stress the importance of letting those around you know how you feel about them.  I practice this with my children. I always want them to know that they're loved and it seems to give them a sense of security.  Whenever I kiss my nineteen year old daughter, she says, you love me, then she smiles and goes on her way. 

I value my happiness and the happiness of those around me, therefore I do what's necessary to preserve it.   I know that life can often times be challenging and hectic but creating simple acts of happiness will provide for a more fulfilling life.  Try to continually focus on the good and positive things in your life.  Positive thinking and surrounding yourself with positive people can help with this.  Each of us has a journey and how you approach it depends on you.  The choice to seek happiness is yours. 

Choose happiness, it's infectious - wanda wade

Defining Your Purpose

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Defining Your Purpose 

Wanda Wade 

I remember reading a book called, The Purpose Driven Life and how it helped me to gain better insight into my purpose or mission as stated in the book.  The author, Rick Warren outlined that we were all created for a purpose, one that's unique to each of us and sharing the message that is formed from that purpose is a gift.  Although his book talks about our purpose from a Christian perspective I believe that the basic philosophy can be applied to everyday living. 

Let's take a look back into childhood.  I like to go there often because I believe our upbringing has a lot to do with the adults we ultimately grow into.  Do you remember grade school and being asked by your teacher, what do you want to be when you grow up?  Most of us rattled the first thing that came to mind, a policeman, a fireman or even a princess without giving thought to a purpose being attached to it, though as we got older we realized that even in childhood we were given insight into our purpose but we had yet to fully understand it.  Why?  That answer is simple,  your purpose hadn't been defined and before you can define it you must first know what it is.   

For me, I defined purpose as being extraordinary.  I thought it had to be something that was far beyond measure, almost negating anything that was other than that.  Boy was I wrong.  It wasn't until I gained a better perspective and knowledge that I realized listening to that little voice that whispers to us ever so often confirming what it is that we were meant to do did I fully understand my purpose and the true meaning of my existence.  Whether your purpose is on a grand scale or one that captures a small audience it should not only give your life meaning, it should also impact those around you.  

Now let's define your purpose; that thing that you were created to do.  Do you already know what it is?  If not, take a moment to think about your true desire, the one thing that consistently speaks to your heart.  It awakens your spirit, breathes life into your soul and if money weren't an object you would gladly do it for nothing.  It would be enough knowing that you're living out your purpose, your mission.  

Purpose is something that we all have in common, yet it's your own special gift that was designed with just you in mind, allow yourself to be open to discovering what it is.  Be careful not to confuse your purpose  with what you ARE currently doing versus what you SHOULD be doing. In time it will be realized and it will forever change your life, your purpose will have been defined.   

True completeness is defined by your purpose - wanda wade